Kiana's Way to Women Empowerment

Tag: life

  • Putting Yourself First

    Putting Yourself First

    My early 20’s have taught me that I’m not ready to share my love and/or life with someone else yet. 

    I recently broke up with someone whom I thought I was going to marry. But as time went on the relationship started to feel more like a chore. I didn’t crave time with them. Thinking about our future together felt like work. I’d find myself asking about their day when in all honesty I couldn’t have given a damn. 

    But I didn’t know why. I loved my partner, and on paper they were great. They lived on their own, had a great job, did most of what I asked for out of our relationship. Yet I still wasn’t fully fulfilled, but on the other hand, still couldn’t leave them. 

    That’s when I realized it’s because leaving them would mean I would be alone. I would have no significant other looking out for me, showering me in love, or caring for me; and without them I would have to do that for myself, all on my own. 

    Which while in that relationship I didn’t think was possible. I didn’t think that I would be able to be content with my own love and care for myself. While in actuality, I am so much more than content. 

    I am fulfilled. 

    All of the things that were provided for me through my relationship feel infinitely better when I provide them for myself. I want flowers? I get them. I want to be taken out on a date? I plan it and take myself out. But most importantly I continue to show up for myself in ways that my partner could never have. 

    I, unfairly, expected a lot of effort, stability and independence out of my partner, and having those expectations is what made it tiring for me to continue the relationship. Now that I’m no longer with them, I recognize that what I needed was more effort, stability and independence out of myself. Since recognizing these needs and having all of this new free time, I’m able to give all of my effort to do these things and create habits that help contribute to those factors of my life. I see this as a form of self-care and self-love, realizing what I needed out of myself and actually creating a plan to work towards it. 

    Self-love and care is not just face masks and sweet treats. It is also recognizing your deep, internal feelings and facing them head-on. Ask yourself why you feel this way, what is causing it, and what you can do about it. The ultimate form of self-care is taking those next steps towards true happiness. Self-care can sometimes be walking away. It won’t feel like your usual self-care. It will hurt. But your future self will thank you for looking out for yourself, and will reward you with what you really need and what you’ve been searching for. 

    Trust your gut, it is never wrong. 

    Be willing and ready to put in the work. 

    And reveal your highest self. 

  • My Keys to Happiness

    My Keys to Happiness

    Happiness is simple. Genuinely. And I think I’ve figured out the code to it. 

    There’s things I do everyday, things I’m working on over-time, and things I tell myself everyday to ensure my own happiness. 

    My everyday things:

    • Routine: Having a morning and night routine ensures I’m getting all of the things that make me happy, done. For example I always make sure I have time for the gym, have my meals planned out, and I always make sure I have time to get myself ready for the day in the morning, and unready at night. A while before bed I put my phone on Do Not Disturb, and don’t go on it until the next morning, and when I get under the covers I will read some of my book or write in my journal. 
    • Limiting social media: You don’t have to make a huge shift and delete the apps all together, but start small. For me, I’ve put a screen timer of four hours on my social apps and I’ve noticed that I rarely hit that time, allowing me to make my limit shorter. By limiting my screen time it’s allowed more time for me to do things that actually fulfill me. When I have bad days of constant scrolling I notice the detrimental effects it has on my mental health which motivates me to abide by that limit. 
    • Movement and sunlight: Which is exactly what it sounds like, everyday I make time to move my body; whether it’s by something intense like weightlifting, or something a bit lighter like a walk. Either way, movement ensures that I’m helping myself to stay fit and releasing those endorphins. Also being out in nature or in the sun in some way is also essential to feeling grounded to mother nature. I’m a big nature person so this is essential to my everyday life. 

    What I’m working on:

    • Self-appearance: Being content with the way I look is something I feel everyday, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t think I couldn’t look better. I am already confident in the way that I am, but I know I could be more confident if I worked on myself in some ways physically. Some ways I’ve been working on my appearance is by weight lifting, having a skincare routine, learning how to do better makeup, and figuring out my style. I also enjoy the fact that with this approach it is a way for me to get creative with myself. 
    • Self-identity: With the rise of social media, I believe that knowing yourself and being unique to that has become a rare trait. To avoid that I’ve committed myself to learning about myself. I try new things, read, practice mindfulness, journal, and overall make time for myself. 
    Playing around with different makeup looks helps me express myself

    Mantras I tell myself everyday:

    • It’s okay to mess up
    • I constantly grow
    • I can make it
    • I am capable
    • I have everything I need at my fingertips
    • Everything (especially money) always comes back around
    Buy yourself the flowers. Every. Time.

    I hope that these tips can help you on your journey to achieving your own happiness. Remember to take things day by day, and that this process cannot be rushed. While on this journey please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need help. Love and happiness to all.

  • Being Your Own Significant Other

    Being Your Own Significant Other

    If you aren’t comfortable spending time with yourself that’s a problem.

    If you constantly need to be filling your time with other people or with substances like social media, that’s a problem.

    Being able to sit with yourself and your own company should be the most satisfying, fulfilling and rejuvenating time. Spending time with yourself is essential to restoring your own energy. If you can’t be comfortable in your own presence, I need you to get comfortable in the discomfort and learn to find support within yourself. 

    Think of your dream significant other. What do they do for you? How do they treat you? How do they talk to you? And become that for yourself. If you can’t be the best version of yourself FOR yourself, how can you expect to find that person who will also add that same value and more to your life? Otherwise you’ll just be grasping at weeds trying to make a garden that will never happen. 

    This is why our current generation is so content with the “situationship” mindset because we haven’t been told that we need to be better for ourselves first. If we aren’t meeting the standards that we set for ourselves it makes it so easy for us to accept when others also don’t meet our standards, which is why we end up letting them into our lives which they tornado through and end up wrecking. 

    Me crying over a past “situationship”

    Once you start to do these things for yourself and treat yourself that way, finding someone who meets or doesn’t meet your standards becomes much easier because you are already used to that type of treatment so you can easily weed them out. And in the meantime whether you’re looking for that person or not you still have yourself. Your own person should be your biggest priority and biggest comfort. 

    I do things daily that help me find comfort within myself and they all stem from what makes me happy and help me feel fulfilled, and none of my hobbies benefit other people, only me. 

    For example, when I want to relax I will journal or read. If I need some grounding, I will meditate. If I wanna feel strong or accomplished, I will exercise. If I want to enjoy my presence in nature, I will go on a walk. If I want to appreciate myself, I will buy myself flowers or treat myself to dinner. 

    Do you see the pattern? When I want to appreciate myself my hobbies include doing things that  when done with a significant other are considered a ‘date’ or are what we would expect a significant other to do for us. So start showing up for yourself and continue to do so. Every. Single. Day. 

    If you need some ideas on ways to take yourself out, read this list of 99 options: 99 Solo Date Ideas- The Good Trade

    If you want some more help practicing self love/care, take a look at this article: How to Actually Practice Self-Love- Wondermind