Kiana's Way to Women Empowerment

Tag: mental-health

  • My Keys to Happiness

    My Keys to Happiness

    Happiness is simple. Genuinely. And I think I’ve figured out the code to it. 

    There’s things I do everyday, things I’m working on over-time, and things I tell myself everyday to ensure my own happiness. 

    My everyday things:

    • Routine: Having a morning and night routine ensures I’m getting all of the things that make me happy, done. For example I always make sure I have time for the gym, have my meals planned out, and I always make sure I have time to get myself ready for the day in the morning, and unready at night. A while before bed I put my phone on Do Not Disturb, and don’t go on it until the next morning, and when I get under the covers I will read some of my book or write in my journal. 
    • Limiting social media: You don’t have to make a huge shift and delete the apps all together, but start small. For me, I’ve put a screen timer of four hours on my social apps and I’ve noticed that I rarely hit that time, allowing me to make my limit shorter. By limiting my screen time it’s allowed more time for me to do things that actually fulfill me. When I have bad days of constant scrolling I notice the detrimental effects it has on my mental health which motivates me to abide by that limit. 
    • Movement and sunlight: Which is exactly what it sounds like, everyday I make time to move my body; whether it’s by something intense like weightlifting, or something a bit lighter like a walk. Either way, movement ensures that I’m helping myself to stay fit and releasing those endorphins. Also being out in nature or in the sun in some way is also essential to feeling grounded to mother nature. I’m a big nature person so this is essential to my everyday life. 

    What I’m working on:

    • Self-appearance: Being content with the way I look is something I feel everyday, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t think I couldn’t look better. I am already confident in the way that I am, but I know I could be more confident if I worked on myself in some ways physically. Some ways I’ve been working on my appearance is by weight lifting, having a skincare routine, learning how to do better makeup, and figuring out my style. I also enjoy the fact that with this approach it is a way for me to get creative with myself. 
    • Self-identity: With the rise of social media, I believe that knowing yourself and being unique to that has become a rare trait. To avoid that I’ve committed myself to learning about myself. I try new things, read, practice mindfulness, journal, and overall make time for myself. 
    Playing around with different makeup looks helps me express myself

    Mantras I tell myself everyday:

    • It’s okay to mess up
    • I constantly grow
    • I can make it
    • I am capable
    • I have everything I need at my fingertips
    • Everything (especially money) always comes back around
    Buy yourself the flowers. Every. Time.

    I hope that these tips can help you on your journey to achieving your own happiness. Remember to take things day by day, and that this process cannot be rushed. While on this journey please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need help. Love and happiness to all.

  • Take. Up. Space.

    Take. Up. Space.

    Take up as much space as you want. Be loud. Express yourself. Express yourself loudly.

    Do not ever feel ashamed for just being yourself. You are unique, there is not another one of you on this planet. So why not let the world know who you are and be unconditionally yourself!!!

    I want you to be loud in the way that you know exactly who you are, and are not ashamed of it. Be unapologetically YOU. Finding and knowing yourself is a self-discovery journey that not everyone gets to experience. If you put in that work, why would you not want to show that off?  

    You have no reason not to. Someone doesn’t like you, oh well, they weren’t worth your effort anyway. 

    Society has taught us women that we need to be small. That we need to conform as what people want us to be; submissive, thoughtless, weak, all adjectives that describe the complete opposite of us. 

    As women our mere presence is so important to society and we know that! So why are we conforming to them? 

    I’m gonna say something that a lot of women in their 20’s are not gonna want to hear. You are not “just” a girl. This trend or phase was really funny at first, describing how our hands are always full to using a paycheck for a maintenance day. But now, its demeaning. We are using it as humor to accept and go along with the way society wants us to be. Now “I’m Just A Girl” translates to “I’m brain-dead.”

    Sorry. My apologies, but someone had to say it. I understand that it started as a joke that turned into this huge trend so every joke should be taken with a grain of salt, but you can’t tell me that there hasn’t been an influx of young girls having aspirations of being a “Tradwife,’ a “WAG,” or an “Influencer” since the growth of this phrase. 

    Which is sad. I get the appeal, it seems like an easy-going life. But it requires you to heavily rely on another person, likely men. If you haven’t noticed their track record, they are not the best people to rely on. There are good one’s, don’t get me wrong, but you can still look for that person while being your own WIFE! 

    Being unapologetically yourself doesn’t make you “Just A Girl,” it makes a unique, exquisite being so stop dumbing yourself down and go show the world who you really are. 

    Read more on how to embrace your womanhood to take up space here: Womanhood + Taking Up Space- Mel Wiggins


    For more advice on embracing your feminine energy read here: Embracing Femininity- Lora Current

  • Discipline is Sexy

    Discipline is Sexy

    Everyone has goals, do you? I really hope you do. 

    Setting personal goals for yourself should be a part of you for the rest of your life, and you should be taking steps every day to work towards those goals. If you’re not, that’s a waste of a day. And if that pattern continues, how many days are you willing to waste? A week? A month? A year? 

    No matter what your goals are whether they’re physical, mental, financial, scholarly or whatever they are, you being purposeful in taking the steps every day to achieve those goals shows discipline.

    I never wanna do cardio after a workout. But I do it anyway.

    Not everyone in this world has discipline, it’s a very mentally difficult thing to harvest within yourself and takes a lot of time to develop. But showing up for yourself daily can help you achieve that. 

    Being disciplined helps you grow mental toughness and resilience.

    You don’t want to do something, but you do it anyway? That’s tough.

    You’re having negative thoughts about something, but you choose to think positively anyway? That’s tough.

    You have excuses to not do something, but you’re choosing to work around them? That’s tough. 

    Keep continuing to show up for yourself and what you want to achieve, even through all of the obstacles life throws at you. When the universe doesn’t offer you much we have to continue to make lemonade out of lemons. Fight back. Show this universe that it does not make you, but that you make up your universe. You have all of the materials that you need to achieve your goals at the tips of your fingers, so why are you not taking advantage of that?

    You will never regret working towards your goals.

    Discipline won’t only help you achieve your goals, it will also help increase your productivity immensely. I used to have the worst attention span, I couldn’t work on assignments or projects for more than 15 minutes at a time without needing a break or it would take me forever to start something and I would just sit on my phone while my computer was open. But now I’m able to recognize that I need to get something done and I set a mental due date for myself and I can get it done easily without needing any breaks. 

    It will also help improve your time management. It may sound a little psycho, but I have every hour of the day planned out for me daily in my Notes app. If I didn’t have it written down I would have a tough time knowing what I’m supposed to be doing everyday. But keeping this planner with me helps me stay on track to working towards my goals because I am making time for them, while also managing everything else in my life. 

    Discipline helps you to improve all of these mental skills, which in return helps you physically. When you are at your best mentally it will show on the outside. Like I state in the title of today’s post; Discipline is sexy. Keep working towards those goals and the confidence will continue to stream in. 

    If you want to read more on the benefits of discipline, read this article: The Power of Discipline- Keller Center for Research

    If you’re looking for more advice on how to stay discipline, take a look at this article: 9 Powerful Ways to Cultivate Extreme Self-Discipline- Forbes

  • Being Your Own Significant Other

    Being Your Own Significant Other

    If you aren’t comfortable spending time with yourself that’s a problem.

    If you constantly need to be filling your time with other people or with substances like social media, that’s a problem.

    Being able to sit with yourself and your own company should be the most satisfying, fulfilling and rejuvenating time. Spending time with yourself is essential to restoring your own energy. If you can’t be comfortable in your own presence, I need you to get comfortable in the discomfort and learn to find support within yourself. 

    Think of your dream significant other. What do they do for you? How do they treat you? How do they talk to you? And become that for yourself. If you can’t be the best version of yourself FOR yourself, how can you expect to find that person who will also add that same value and more to your life? Otherwise you’ll just be grasping at weeds trying to make a garden that will never happen. 

    This is why our current generation is so content with the “situationship” mindset because we haven’t been told that we need to be better for ourselves first. If we aren’t meeting the standards that we set for ourselves it makes it so easy for us to accept when others also don’t meet our standards, which is why we end up letting them into our lives which they tornado through and end up wrecking. 

    Me crying over a past “situationship”

    Once you start to do these things for yourself and treat yourself that way, finding someone who meets or doesn’t meet your standards becomes much easier because you are already used to that type of treatment so you can easily weed them out. And in the meantime whether you’re looking for that person or not you still have yourself. Your own person should be your biggest priority and biggest comfort. 

    I do things daily that help me find comfort within myself and they all stem from what makes me happy and help me feel fulfilled, and none of my hobbies benefit other people, only me. 

    For example, when I want to relax I will journal or read. If I need some grounding, I will meditate. If I wanna feel strong or accomplished, I will exercise. If I want to enjoy my presence in nature, I will go on a walk. If I want to appreciate myself, I will buy myself flowers or treat myself to dinner. 

    Do you see the pattern? When I want to appreciate myself my hobbies include doing things that  when done with a significant other are considered a ‘date’ or are what we would expect a significant other to do for us. So start showing up for yourself and continue to do so. Every. Single. Day. 

    If you need some ideas on ways to take yourself out, read this list of 99 options: 99 Solo Date Ideas- The Good Trade

    If you want some more help practicing self love/care, take a look at this article: How to Actually Practice Self-Love- Wondermind

  • Journaling

    Journaling

    Before you begin reading, grab some paper and a writing tool. As reading, follow along with the questions and jot down your thoughts for every one. Draw them, write them, whatever helps you contextualize your thoughts. 

    Now sit in front of a mirror. When you look at yourself, who do you want to see? When you walk into a room of strangers what do you want their first impression of you to be like? 

    Think of the adjectives and write them down. Make them authentic. Don’t write something down because you think society would want you that way. What do YOU truly want to be? Without judgement from absolutely everyone in your life. Yes, even your family and loved ones. Pretend their judgement doesn’t exist. What do you want to be doing that makes everyday the best day ever?

    But stay realistic now, this is still life and we still need to work for things. Make the dream reasonable. We can always create so many bigger dreams, but starting out why would we not do ourselves the favor and make it genuinely attainable. Be honest with yourself. Also, keep in the back of your mind that money makes the world go round. I know it can be difficult not to lean into the “I’m just a girl” kind of society we are in right now. But we need to be making some sort of income in this dream life if we want to be responsible for our own course.

    And before you start to overthink about your ‘purpose’ or what you are supposed to provide to the world. Don’t. Providing for yourself is already difficult enough, so your existence of being a good person should be abundant enough to society. But let this also be a chance to recognize what you are good at and coin off those skills. 

    Start small, maybe you have a job in retail. Do you enjoy helping and serving people? Can you converse easily and confidently? Or do you work in food service and work well in a fast paced environment? Or work easily with others? These are all basic skills that we can build on in different ways in order to make a living.

    Time to get critical. What are you doing to not work towards those goals? Be truthful with yourself. For some of our reasoning we might not even realize we are doing it, so really give it thought. But also hold yourself accountable for your actions, or lack thereof. 

    Now hopefully you have written down the things you want to be, some ideas on how to become those things, and have recognized why you haven’t been applying yourself to those ideas. Sit with that. Make a change. You know the problem and you have all of the materials in the world to help you fix it. So will you continue to wait for it to change, or will you take action and control of your life. Things don’t come on their own and if we want something to change we have to be brave to take the steps towards it and believe that we can create change. Believing in yourself is just as important as taking initiative. 

    I hope this has helped you with the tough question of, why are you here? As humans we cannot be so hard on ourselves and our purpose of life. We must realize in order to help take care of our world we must first take care of ourselves. As you’re going over these questions I want you to remember the purpose of life is to feel fulfilled in yourself. Not for what you do or provide to others, what how do you provide to yourself? And what keeps you content?

    In the meantime, if you are new to journaling I encourage you to check out this article with 25 starter/everyday journaling prompts to get you started on your journey. 25 useful journaling prompts for beginners- Marth Brook


    I would also encourage you to read this article on the lifelong mental health benefits of journaling. How Journaling Can Help You in Hard Time – Greater Good Berkeley